Golfer Tiger Woods has scheduled a press conference for Friday. On the agenda? We don’t exactly know for sure what Tiger Woods will talk about during this press conference. What will Tiger Woods have to say about his alleged scandalous affairs? Flip a coin. Okay, that won’t work. Roll the dice. How bout just pick a number between 1 and 15?
There have been too many alleged affairs to remember. There have been so many Tiger Woods jokes and humor that I’ve lost count. To make light of a serious situation, I’ve created my own humorous countdown of things Tiger Woods will not be saying during his press conference. Keep in mind that I probably should have come up with 18 since there are 18 holes in a round of golf. So I just want you to know that I blew it right away.
Please add your own Tiger Woods jokes in the comment section if you like playing along. Let’s hope he gets the help he needs and retains his status as The Top Ranked Playboy ever. I mean golfer.
With that in mind, here are 10 things Tiger Woods absolutely won’t say during his Friday press conference.
10) In retrospect, I shouldn’t have listened to my caddy when he told me to use my putter.
9) It’s hard to concentrate on one woman when NIKE keeps telling me to “Just Do It’.
8) If you think about it, relationships can be just like golf. Everyone loves a good foursome. So if you double, or maybe even triple that–then you have a scramble. Come on, everybody loves a scramble right?
7) To be honest, I was making way too much darn money. I thought this was the easiest way to tell some sponsors that I’m a bit busy.
6) Everyone keeps saying that thing about what happens in Vegas. I just want to tell everyone not to believe that.
5) I honestly don’t remember the name of girl #8, #9 or #14. For that, I can only say check TMZ. They’ve been all over that.
4) Elin and I had that big fight about whether to adopt or not. The bomb dropped when I told her I have scattered kids around the country and that won’t be necessary.
3) I’ve now driven more cars into trees than I ever did golf balls. But don’t worry when you drive home tonight, I’ve working on my slice.
2) My green jackets are now in the ash tray.
1) You guys have everything so confused. I didn’t mean transgressions–I meant tan sessions.
That’s it for my list of Ten Things Tiger Woods won’t be saying in his Friday press conference! The press conference should be entertaining from a news/media standpoint. Let’s hope Tiger Woods divulges at least three of my Top Ten Things during his press conference. Okay, maybe one.