There are two separate people who enter the union of marriage. The idea is that those two are to become one. In this “popcorn society” that bond sometimes does not happen. These two separate people have two separate ideas of what marriage should be like.
Often, the discussion of each ones marriage picture was not discussed. More often, each spouse does not even know what the other expects of them. Even farther, they do not know what their partner is willing or not willing to do. The art of communication seems to be a dying art.
Marriages occur based on good feelings, good times and good sex. This concoction makes for a very sour marriage. How do you find happiness with someone that you are merely co-existing with? You do not. You must be constantly learning about and growing with the person to find happiness.
Marriage Pictures: Not Merely the Wedding Photo Album
I previously stated that two come into the marriage with very different marriage pictures. These pictures are what each spouse hinges their happiness, within the relationship, on. Most couples have never had this discussion. Sadly, some will never have this discussion on their marriage pictures.
I must put a disclaimer right here: Each relationship is different. The tone of this article is for couples who were actually in love with each other when they got married. There are many different reasons that people get married today. Lots of those reasons have nothing to do with love.
It is your difference in marriage pictures that most often steals the essence of happiness in a relationship. You think that your husband should be faithful. Your husband thinks that you should have sex with him more. You think that your wife should appreciate your hard work. She thinks that you all have enough stuff and you should be home more.
Do you see where I am going? Have you ever discussed how much sex you should have? Have you talked about what type of meals he likes the most? Have you discussed hiring help around the house? Have you discussed how much “me time” you need? These questions stem from the marriage pictures.
First Love then Cheating?
Men are hunters. When they bring home their prize and it does not fulfill them, then they go out to seek another. It is their natural progression. It is not morally right, but it naturally happens.
Men are logical creatures. They think, “If I don’t have happiness here, then I must go find it… out there.” This is the beginning of the reason men who were in love with their wives cheat on them. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but the basis is that they do not feel happy at home anymore.
Back to the discussion of the marriage pictures. A lot of times if you have the marriage picture discussion upfront, then more people would opt not to get married. Others would get married anyhow, and have stronger marriages. Not knowing is not bliss; it is torture. Especially for a man.
Men need vision. A man without a vision is a sorrowful thing. How can he lead unless he knows where he is? Having this powerful marriage picture that the two of you can put together is very important to this area of monogamy in your relationship.
Creating a New Marriage Picture for Two
The marriage picture will not only benefit the man to keep him from cheating. He will also know what to expect from his wife. He’ll know more about the woman that he loves. He won’t expect her to do things that she has already stated she does not want to do.
For the woman this marriage picture can stop her from day dreaming about a relationship that never was or never will be. Women have vivid imaginations and when we wake up to the reality that our dreams aren’t true, we can be a force to be reckoned with.
I hope this conversation occurs before the words “I do.” Even if it does not, it is an important conversation to have with your love yesterday.
Talk about the things that you expect from your spouse in daily life. Discuss meals, meal times, favorite foods and diets. Talk about hygiene, bathing, showering and colognes. Discuss sex, massages and foreplay. Converse on how often to date and even whether you like spontaneity.
Even map out regular times to have this type of discussion. I recommend about once a month. Any more than that can become grueling and un-enjoyable as disagreements are sure to come of this.
Discuss child rearing and parenting. What does the other person think about family involvement? Will we hire babysitters or only use family? Talk about whether you even want children. How many children? How many children do you already have?
Talk about friends and hanging out. Discuss relationships with single friends versus married friends. To end this long rouse… discuss everything like you are friends. In truth, you should be friends. There is one basis that is a must for marriage. Marry someone that you can talk to. Keep that communication open forever. Never let door close.
If you married someone that you can’t talk to, then learn to talk to them. Counseling may be in order. Pre-marital counseling is always in order.
Discussing your marriage pictures is not a one all end all to stopping men from cheating within a marriage, but it is a drastic first step in a loving relationship. Try it and see how it works.