When it comes to the 43 men who have held the office of President of the United States, there is no truer saying than “behind every great man is a great woman.” As it turns out the behinds of some of those great women were pretty damn great too! Being the shallow kind of historian I am, I have sacrificed many hours of time researching the wonderful women who have held the title of First Lady of the United States and come up with my list of ten hotties who could make any man want to stuff the ballot box. So presented here in order from the most sizzling on down are The 10 Hottest First Ladies of the United States.
1. Jacqueline Kennedy (1961-1963)
While the president was busy nailing other women, American men were lusting for his wife. Perhaps our most beautiful first lady, Jackie Kennedy was smart, elegant, and classy. We’ll give JFK the Marilyn Monroe fling-you don’t pass up that opportunity-but it’s hard to imagine any of the others were as smokin’ hot as Jackie O.
2. Dolley Madison (1809-1817)
Blessed with a killer rack and a magnetic personality to match, Dolley never had any problem attracting men. She loved turning heads with low-cut blouses that accentuated her extremely generous breasts. The first lady also had a reputation before marrying James Madison of having been the “first lady” of many a young gentleman.
3. Angelica Van Buren (1837-1841)
The daughter-in-law of Martin Van Buren was a mere 19-year-old when she took on the duties of first lady for the widowed president. In addition to being young and vivacious, Angelica was a knockout who inspired many inappropriate sex fantasies among members of the president’s cabinet who liked to refer to her as “The First Fine Young Tail.”
4. Frances Cleveland (1893-1897)
This number tells you everything you need to know: 21. That’s how old young temptress Frances Folsom was when she married 49-year-old Grover Cleveland one year into his first term as president. The daughter of one of Cleveland’s closest friends, Frances was just an infant when she and her future husband first met. Weird shit, you might say.
5. Harriet Lane (1857-1861)
At just 27 years of age, she acted as first lady for her bachelor uncle James Buchanan who was rumored to prefer the company of men, if you get my drift. The lovely Miss Lane was flirty and popular and helped take everyone’s minds off the fact that the president seemed to spend an awful lot of time in the company of men, if you know what I’m talking about. If you’re not getting the hint…He was gay!
6. Rosalynn Carter (1977-1981)
The peanut farmer’s wife was quite a looker back in the day and her beauty probably contributed to Billy Carter’s almost constant state of inebriation. I mean here you are, a total loser, while your brother Jimmy is the freakin’ president and he’s married to a woman you’d actually consider taking a shower for. That kind of sibling rivalry is what leads to some major drinking.
7. Laura Bush (2001-2009)
The only thing President Dumbass ever did right in his life was marrying this fine looking woman. She’s way prettier than her bulldog-faced mother-in-law and way smarter than her numbskull hubby. And she has a last name that for some reason makes men think of sex.
8. Jane Pierce (1853-1857)
Her husband was one of the worst presidents of all time and one look at this little piece of eye candy could explain why. It had to be pretty hard for Franklin Pierce to concentrate on his presidential duties when all he wanted to do was go upstairs and bone the little woman.
9. Hillary Clinton (1993-2001)
I find something very sexy about intelligent women and you’d be hard-pressed to find a first lady with a bigger pile of smarts than the woman who would go on to be a New York senator and our current secretary of state. She may not be a great beauty, but with all that going for her, Hillary’s plenty good looking enough for me. Plus she’s pretty damn forgiving. A woman gets extra points for that.
10. Betty Ford (1974-1976)
Based not so much on looks, Mrs. Ford makes this list because she was the Lindsay Lohan of the first ladies. When you end up with a rehab clinic named after you, you obviously know how to have a good goddamn time. Bottoms up, Betty!
The author’s demented mind