Ahah! You hairy beast! Today I drive you through the dog wash! Ignore those growling German Shepherds Ilse and Gunar. Pay no attention to the Dog Wash Groupie long haired dachshund “Saucie” (short for Sausage) fluttering her eyelashes at you. Slink on back by the dog wash tubs, and let me introduce you to the Nail Clipper Ninjas. One to wrestle you to the
ground, and the other to use a nail clipper tool that could trim tree limbs, to chop off those long claws. No more annoying tick-tic-tic sound on the parquet floor. Don’t look at me like I betrayed you, this is the easy part. OK, all done with your manipedicure?
Next, see those little steps? Just walk right up and into one of the big white dog wash spas. Hey, where do you think you’re going? It’s this way. Step right up here. Up ya go. Oh, never mind. “Sir, could you lift my dog up into the dog wash? He seems to have forgotten how to move his legs.” OK, into the dog wash with you, where we exchange your collar for one that’s hooked to the wall. I put on the attractive plastic apron, grab the spray thing, set it to gentle massage, and hose you down with a warm stream of shampoo and water. I don’t even have to bend over, I love this dog wash! How cute, you’re getting all sudsy and bubbly. Oh admit it, it feels good. And we’re getting rid of all the loose dead hair that was still hiding under your coat. We’ll stimulate some blood supply to your old hide, you hound dog. See, there go mountains of fur, right into the dog wash drain trap, instead of the carpet at home. This power washing really reduces shedding.
Time to rinse, so I’ll just flip that little switch over to warm water. Now, let’s switch it again over to doggy conditioner. How about oatmeal lemon? Or lavender cream? You are going to smell goooood. Rinse again, and I’ll grab one of these big thick towels. Great, you just had to shake that water all over me. Now I need windshield wipers for my glasses. There’s water everywhere! We’ll go through one more towel, toss it on the floor. Glad I don’t have to clean this mess up. Next, we turn on the warm and gentle blow dryer, dry that fur and fluff you up. Oh look at all the other lucky dogs waiting in line to go through the dog wash!
And of course, I’ve washed your bedding at home and vacuumed everywhere, so I don’t expect to see a dog hair for weeks, as long as I keep you brushed. After this, I might even dare to wear black again
You are quite the fragrant, fine looking fur fella now. Do I see a new spring in your step? Oh, that’s just you getting the heck outta here. Wait, I have to get your laundro-mutt card punched. That way, you get a free bath once in a while. Oh quit whimpering.
Note: If you have a dog like Sir Pooch who sheds easily, a power dog wash will help you get rid of old loose fur on your dog. There are things you can do to keep dog fur off your carpeting and clothes: Brush frequently, power wash frequently, and use a high quality vacuum that picks up pet hair. Keep your closet doors closed, launder the dog’s bedding weekly, and have a good tape roller at the ready in the house and in the car.
In Indianapolis, Healthy Hounds Dog Spa charges $15 for a self serve dog wash, supplies all shampoos, conditioners and towels, and cleans up after you. Google “self serve dog wash” to find a doggy spa near you. .