We’ve all been there, haven’t we ladies? You finally get a date with that dream guy only to discover later that he is still hung up on his ex. If only there was a way to avoid that headache. Well, here are a few symptoms of ex-addiction to watch out for in your new partner.
She’s a too common topic of the conversation: Whether he’s complaining about her or telling you stories about their time together, she’s a regular subject matter in your discussions. Maybe you’ve asked him to stop or hinted that you’re not interested in hearing any more about her, but for some reason he just can’t help himself. Even after the break up, she’s got his attention and he’s obviously not yet ready to shift focus to you.
He finds similarities to her in you: The clothes you wear remind him of hers. The scent of your perfume is the scent she wore. You’re hair looks like hers; she was about your height; she ate her peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crust cut off just like you. If he sees and points out the minutest similarities, then he may be looking for her in you and only interested in you because of these supposed similarities.
He tries to relive their dates and experiences: He takes you to her favorite places and tells you exactly how their date played out there. Or you’re cuddling on the couch and he pops in a DVD they enjoyed together and he proceeds to tell you how she reacted to this movie. It’s as if he is desperate to reclaim their memories together and not ready to create new ones with you.
He keeps pictures and reminders of her: He has refused to remove the photos of their dates from his Photobucket account. He still has pictures, articles of clothing, items that belong to her and other things that hold her memory that he just won’t give up. He may tell you that he isn’t angry with her or that he doesn’t want to forget his past and just doesn’t think it’s a big deal, but that’s still not a good enough reason to keep the Valentine’s bear she gave him on his bed.
He makes efforts to contact her: Maybe he is commenting on and “liking” all her Facebook posts or finding the tiniest things to try to return to her. Or perhaps he goes to places she frequents in hopes of bumping into her. If they share a child, he may call to talk to his son or daughter, but really just ends up spending most of the conversation chatting with his ex about things not related to the child and gets defensive if you confront him about it.
He refuses to commit: Sure, you’ve been dating for awhile now, but he is still reluctant to make it exclusive. He may be trying to keep himself open should his ex decide to return. Secretly he hopes there is still a chance she’ll change her mind, and he wants to be ready if she does. If he were to commit to you, he would have to accept that that relationship is entirely over, and he may not be ready to do that yet.
If your love interest is exhibiting many of these signs, it may be time to look elsewhere. Try to lovingly let him go, understanding that the relationship with his ex was obviously very important to him and he will have to move on in his own time. If later he’s ready, maybe you and he could hit it off then, but for now, let him work through the break up on his own. Don’t give him your heart when his is still with another because if she does return, you could wind up heartbroken. Realize these things take time and try to find a partner who isn’t still in love with his ex.
