This is another glimpse into randomness. Nothing below has to make sense or flow smoothly. It just has to be readable. If I offend anyone in anyway, I am sorry.
I got a letter in the mail from my internet service provider-the one I recently switched to– asking me to switch over to them. *knocks on the emptiness between their ears* I am already a member. Maybe you need to update your files. Please check under D for DUH!
So I was out with my friend yesterday. We went to Starbucks and then out shopping. I don’t know why but whenever I go out with any of my friends, we run into the strangest people, but it’s all good. We usually wind up laughing our butts off.
She and I came out of this one store and she goes “Oh my G-d! There’s a man dressed up as the Statue of Liberty.” So I look, and I am utterly mortified. This was the worst second-rate Halloween get-up of the Statue of Liberty I had ever seen. . The mask alone look liked Yoda drooled down the guy’s face. It was also two times bigger than the guy’s face! So you got guy in a big-faced Statue of Liberty costume outside this store and all of a sudden he starts this little “I’ve got to pee” dance, or at least that is what it looked like. I turned to my friend and said “I’m scared. I’m very scared!”
We get into her car and we go less than a block and this guy in a turquoise plastic poncho and wheeling a cart of some sort literally flies by us. He either had two jet engines in his arse or he really was Superman.
One thing I’ve always wondered about was what happens in the United Nations if a member nation’s representative makes a loud fart. My friend said “I bet the echo is awesome.” I can see the next world war being fought because the ambassador from China blamed the ambassador from the United States for this/her fart.
So, I was looking for a bunch of funny quotes the other day, and came across this one page that put up short funny quotes. There were a few presidential quotes on there, but one stood out. Supposedly Harry S Truman once stated “Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.” I somehow cannot picture President Truman saying this. The site doesn’t tell you where the quote is from neither. For all we know it could’ve been a private comment made to Bess. I can’t imagine it being in the State of the Union, though if I was a live then and heard the President say “turd” I would’ve been hysterical laughing.
Speaking of Presidential quotes that make you think twice: Lyndon Johnson once said “Did you ever think that making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.” So economics is yellow even if we are in the black or red. What color is healthcare? Do we need a warning system now like we do for terrorism? Economics- Yellow, black or red depending on the day. Healthcare-I see healthcare is orange. I don’t know but oranges have Vitamin C. Taxes- green, when they go up black, when they’re reduced white. Ok maybe not.
I somehow managed to mention farts, turds, and piss all in the same article. I call that talent. You’d probably call that insane.