So, I attended church on Wednesday December 2, 2009. It was bible study night. It was at my ultra- Christian uncle’s church. He has open bible study there, so he asked if there was anything in particular that anyone wanted to talk about. I didn’t want to talk about anything so I just sat quietly. He then went into the lesson.
Before we left, the devil was definitely at work. He tried to make the experience miserable by putting a “spoiled brat attitude” in my cousin that I was telling you about in My Epiphany. She’s twenty four years old and she acts like such a baby. She was definitely getting on my nerves, but I said, “Whatever. I’m going to church and I’m going to enjoy myself.”Well, I must say that the study didn’t meet up to my expectations at first, but in the end, I once again learned something very important.
The lesson was about God’s Kingdom. I never had very many questions about God’s Kingdom, but I listened anyway. My uncle threw out a scripture to us that said the kingdom of God is in us. Then he read, “Greater is he who is in me than he who is in the world.” This wasn’t the first time I heard this scripture, but this was the first time I ever thought about what it says, and what it means. I never felt like the Holy Spirit was in me. I always thought of the Holy Spirit as something that overtakes you at one given moment–not something that lasts.
He said the way we get to God’s Kingdom is by being perfect. The bible also says that you must be perfect, but I always said, “Perfect? Who can be perfect?” The “perfect” that the bible speaks of, as explained by my uncle, is by “a daily repentance.” By being humble and repenting your sins every day.
I’ve stopped repenting daily a long time ago. I just basically say, “Well, I didn’t sin today. I don’t have to repent.” But sometimes we sin and don’t know it. Sometimes we commit certain sins out of habit and forget that it’s even a sin. It just basically becomes natural behavior for us.
The “being humble” part stuck out to me also. I too often don’t pray or repent out of laziness or pride. Sometimes when I sin I just say, “I’ll repent later,” or “Why do I have to repent all of my sins when other people sin on a regular basis, and get away with it?” This is the example of the humbleness that the bible speaks of. It’s described as “denying yourself”.
You may remember scriptures or movies about when Jesus was going to be crucified, and one of his disciples denied him three times. His disciple had put his own self ahead of his Savior. He did not submit, he was not humble. He did not deny himself, he denied Jesus.
When you “deny yourself”, it doesn’t mean that you act as if you don’t exist and look over your own needs and well being. But it’s submitting to God, and allowing his will to be done. It’s getting over your pride and doing what’s best instead of doing what’s convenient.
I keep thinking about that saying of my uncle, “Your way out is your way back”, and I realize every issue in my life has started sometime in the past. We can’t literally go back in time, but we can backtrack to figure out how we got where we are in the first place. I hope I keep having epiphanies and keep finding my way to where I want to be. I’ve been in pretty much a good mood ever since I went to the bible study lesson. I feel very proud that I’m slowly “going back”.