I have been writing about my personal experiences with manic depression. I have been using the alphabet to reveal words that are apropos to the condition. There is never enough information about manic depression. I will continue to write from every aspect I can think of because there are large numbers of suicides and also many, many families are torn apart.
The letter I have arrived at is “Q.” There are two words that jump out at me that begin with “Q.” They are “quick” and “quiet.”
Quiet is a condition that is exhibited by manic depressives in both the manic and depressive phase.
When someone is depressed they will discontinue communicating. They will keep to themselves. They will answer questions with “grunts” or “shrugs.” If they are pressed to answer questions or, more likely asked to give some type of inventory about how they are feeling, they will become angry or annoyed. This quiet attitude may often be carried out while they are in bed. It may take too much effort to rise in the morning so the person will stay in bed all day.
Typically a manic depressive going into a quiet mode will wake up and ask someone else to deal with their responsibility. If they have a job they will ask perhaps their spouse to call in sick for them. Then they will stay in bed dozing in solitude.
When not depressed, a manic depressive will simply make decisions on their own without explaining why. When they are asked why, again there will be no response. They are too wrapped up in their own thinking.
What about the aspect of “quick?”
Quick relates the most to mania. It has to do with the way decisions are made. Often decisions are made immediately with no forethought. The brain of a person in a mania runs constantly. Barely is one thought complete before another thought begins. This makes for behavior that is impossible to follow. It is too quick.
I’ve already described how a manic depressive might act when depressed from a quiet standpoint. That was right out of my own behavior.
Let me give another example this time of quick from my own life.
I had a lot of homework one evening when I was a sophomore in high school. Yes, I did have manic depression that early although it wasn’t diagnosed yet. A friend called to go to a movie. I had no business going but went anyway. I had also decided to run for student council. I had two weeks to get my pithy posters up but decided to do them that night. Did that make sense?
I went to the movie from about 7:00 pm to 9:30 pm and then worked on my posters until about midnight. Of course I didn’t do my homework. My brain bounced from one thing to another all evening long. When I was at the movie I thought about the posters. When I was working on the posters I thought about the homework. A “normal” kid would have simply done their homework with perhaps some temporary sadness they couldn’t go out.
Unfortunately that is the way manic depression is. It isolates you and then you do things so fast that people don’t have time to help you reflect on what you are doing.
Quick and quiet are not adjectives conducive to a happy life when they are tied to manic depression.