“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” Alexander Pope
When another human being has hurt you, it invokes feelings of anger, hurt, and resentment and you want to hurt them back to get revenge. You want to get even and make them pay. You replay the event or events repeatedly in your mind and you can’t let it go.
When you are angry and upset, you are the one who pays the price. You are the one who has the emotional and spiritual baggage that can do harm to you physically and affect your health.
Forgiving is a process where you replace negative thoughts with positive ones. When you continue to hold a grudge, you are giving that person power over you and your well-being. Once you have forgiven, you will find peace and tranquility. It ends the punishment that you have put upon yourself.
If you do not want to approach the person who has offended and angered you, sit down and write them a note with all the details of how they have hurt you. Cleanse yourself of all that is bothering you. Then, tear up the note and consider it finished as if you had confronted that person. This will be the beginning of a healing process.
If you are fortunate enough to be able to sit down face to face with the offender, then calmly discuss all the ways that they have hurt you. Maybe they were not even aware that they had offended you and would cherish the opportunity to make things right between the two of you.
You must learn to love yourself so that you will be able to love others. Make sure your self-talk is positive and inspiring. Treat yourself with caring and compassion. If you are feeling love within, it is easier to project that love onto others. You cannot give what you don’t have. It is also very important to forgive yourself for any transgressions you may have made against others. We are all human and we make mistakes.
Try visualization. See the outcome that you desire. Close your eyes and see the person you need to forgive sitting in front of you. See all the good that is in this person. Try to remember all the good things this person has done. Know that he or she has many good qualities and embrace this person with your loving thoughts. Repeat the process several times over many days and see if your feelings for that person have improved.
Forgiveness is stopping the anger and resentment and getting you back on track for good mental health. It is a choice and a decision that you have to make. It may take time, but you will know when you have been able to forgive because whenever you think of the person who offended you, you will feel an inward peace and all the hurt will be gone.
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain