“Why Should I care if I have to cut my hair?
I’ve got to move with the fashion or be outcast”–Cut My Hair. From the album Quadrophenia by The Who
So my wife’s trying to hold me down and cut my hair. I don’t really want to; still, by the time this piece gets published, it may have already happened. I’ve been growing my hair from the last time I cut it bald straight through for the last nine months. Yeah, my hair is a little unruly; my hair has a mind of its own; still, I like my hair and I don’t want to cut it. Even if that means of my missing out on work opportunities or what have you.
I have been shaving my head for years. It’s something that my dad started doing when he got tired of the comb-over. He claims it was because of his tennis and that may have been true; but I still razz him about the comb-over. I began shearing my locks when I got tired of going to the mall every six weeks, waiting around for an hour or more, and then paying all this money to get the same lame style I’d always had (zero fade; with a floppy bowl-cut on the top) – I wanted a change. Moreover I didn’t like getting up early in the morning to put all this product into my hair to keep it in place. I’d long ago realized that my hair had way too much body and in order to be tamed it had to be meticulously groomed, sheared, and kept watch over.
So in college I just got a pair of $10 clippers and gave it up. Actually my mom did it for me for a while; with the same clippers that she used on my dad. But then I eventually got my own. And it was easy; ten minutes every few weeks. I could go two or three months without incident. My girlfriend (then fiancée, then wife) took over the clipping duties and that was fine. Saving money on my own hair made the pain less when she’d go to get her $200 movie star haircuts (but what can you do when you’re in the movies? – Valentine’s Day – Opening February 12 starring Topher Grace, Ashton Kutcher, with my wife).
Then we took off; my wife and me; left New York and are still kind of restless. Keeping this short hair just wasn’t going to be possible. So I grew it out; “I’ll cut it soon,” I kept saying. But soon became later and later still. And there was no cutting going on.
My wife is going back into the acting business after taking a brief hiatus to make some money this holiday season. She’s suggested why don’ t I join her as a background actor? The money’s not very good but we could work together and they feed you well.
Yeah okay, I said. “There is just the matter of your hair,” she offered. “I play, ‘business professional,’ or ‘trendy teen.'” She frowned. “With that haircut you’re going to get cast as ‘homeless person’ or ‘insane derelict.'” The whole reason I would do this is so we could work on the same stuff; we’ve only one car and we live in The Valley (there’s CBS and a lot of porn in the Valley; not much else).
So what the heck am I going to do? I stopped cutting my hair when I’d shaved and looked in the mirror at the back of my head. It was smooth and short…with a glaring bald spot! I do not want to deal with balding issues any sooner than I have to. Yet, I may just have to keep my crop short from now on.
That, or wear a wig! Can somebody get me the wig master?