The author is somewhat of a “runaway bride” herself. This is a very easy subject to write on and one that I am questioned about a lot at my blog. I guess like attracts like, right?
Commitment is a very simple process. One decides to tie themselves to an activity, person, situation or business. Then they take the action of being loyal to their contracted partner, activity or situation. As simple as the process is; it is not easy.
Reasons Why We Fear Commitment
Commitment Failure: This type of fear comes when one is let down by a person who was had committed to them. This person committed to someone or something that was not good for them. When the situation or relationship turned out bad, then they formed the thought that committing is a bad thing. This type of fear is one of the hardest to relieve. Commitment issues of this type can be deep rooted and very painful.
Default Commitment Issue: There are commitment issues caused by environment. This occurs when there is no good picture of commitment in a persons life. They do not have a perception of what commitment is. Everything and everyone seems to break their commitments early in this persons life. Without a proper picture of commitment they feel that they are unable to commit to anyone or anything. This is also a deep rooted issue, but can be proved wrong by being shown proper commitments.
The Loss Issue: Sometimes people come and go in our lives. Whether they have to move away, they pass away, or a company closes. Sometimes the fear that if I commit to someone or something again, then they will leave me in some type of way as well. This fear of loss turns a generally able to commit person into a commitment phobic.
These are not all the reasons for fear of commitment or commitment phobia, but these are the ones that we will discuss for this article.
Dealing with Commitment Failure
There is nothing that we can do about a person who lets us down. What we can do something about is our own thoughts. Human beings are amazing creatures. We have the ability to change the vision of not only our future, but our past. You can take old situations and remember them in a good light or a bad light. When you remember them, it is not set in stone how you have to remember the past at any given time.
When early in your years you have trusted someone or been misused by someone that you were supposed to be able to trust, then you may perceive it as hard to trust others in the future. You can change your thought about this at any time. You can say that there was something wrong with that person and they are not like everyone else. You can tell yourself that you deserve to be committed to and loved. Add emotion of belief to these statements and you will be well on your way to dealing with the commitment failure issue.
Dealing with Default Commitment Issue
This issue, I believe, is one of the easiest to deal with. You can simply find stories of others who have had wonderful commitments. Read business stories where the companies were built and were loyal to their workers over the years. Think that you deserve loyalty and commitment.
Simply meditating on the words “loyalty” and “commitment” on a daily basis, can help you to see more good pictures of loyalty and commitment in your daily life. Sit and breathe deeply and say the words to yourself. Say them out loud. Relax. You only do this for a few minutes a day. You will notice more loyal pictures, situations and people. You will begin to attract more committed situations and people.
Dealing with the Loss Issue
This issue often comes up when someone loses a parent at a young age. Sometimes, it’s because there first love did not love them back. Some are put into the foster care system very early whether the parent gave them up or lost them. Some have just been left with other family members or friends.
This type of fear is painful at best. It takes time and commitment to self to be delivered from this one. Sometimes counseling may be necessary. I wouldn’t recommend going this change alone, if you don’t have to. Dealing with the fear of loss is very heavy. Why commit to someone when they will only leave you?
Knowing that you deserve love and commitment is only half the battle here. It doesn’t have to take years of therapy, but this one does involve trusting others. What better way to start this healing than finding someone to trust. You may want to find a counselor, whether free or paid. You may want to find a pastor or clergy. I recommend someone who can help you professionally, but the choice is yours.