5. The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea: Disney has made a sequel to nearly every one of the classic cartoons. None of them were as good as the originals but The Little Mermaid II is the worst of all. Disney couldn’t even come up with an original story! Ariel and Eric’s daughter, Melody, wants to be a mermaid. A sea witch turns her into a mermaid, but only because she wants Melody to help her usurp Triton’s power; sound familiar?
4. Star Wars: Episodes I-III: Technically, episodes I-III are the prequel to the original trilogy but let’s not split hairs. Now, before all you Star Wars fans try to kill me, let me make it clear that I enjoy watching the new trilogy. They are fun, innovative movies; but, as far as following the story of the original trilogy, they blew it! The two trilogies completely lack continuity. Here are just a few of the problems: 1. Why did George Lucas wait until the new trilogy to turn the Force into some kind of a balanced/unbalanced Ying-Yang thing? I don’t remember hearing anything about “bringing balance to the Force” in the first three movies. 2. “Leia, do you remember your mother; you’re real mother?” “Just a little bit. She died when I was very young.” Yeah, you’re not kidding she died when you were very young! You were about thirty minutes old when she died. Leia, you must have one good memory! 3. I agree that you can’t have a Star Wars movie without C-3PO and R2-D2. However, why did Lucas write parts for them in the new trilogy that don’t follow the original story? Why don’t Obi-wan and Uncle Owen recognize them during episode IV? I know that 3PO had his memory erased during episode III but what about R2?
3. The Un-dead: Remember all those wonderful, heroic men in Dracula? Well, in Dacre Stoker’s sequel, The Un-dead, they’ve all somehow morphed into a group of drugged-up losers! I know, I know, Dacre Stoker based his novel on his great-grand uncle’s notes. However, Bram Stoker lived for fifteen years after he wrote Dracula; if he wanted a lousy sequel, why didn’t he write it himself? Oh, by the way, The Un-dead finally revels the particulars of Mina and the Count’s love affair. Sounds to me like someone has watched the Francis Ford Coppola version one time too many.
2. Scarlett: May I ask a question? Why, when you have an epic, 1,024 page novel like Gone With the Wind would you even consider writing a sequel? Well, in 1991, despite the objections of the late Margaret Mitchell, Alexandra Ripley wrote the novel Scarlett. Scarlett was an unmatched flop. The New York Times even referred to it as “cultural cannibalism”. Here is the plot in a nutshell: Scarlett somehow ends up in, of all places, Ireland where she is eventually reunited with the abusive, opium-addict Rhett. You can read the book if you want to know more but I would recommend that you don’t waste your time.
1. Love Never Dies: The most recent sequel-nightmare is Andrew Lloyd-Webber’s ridiculous idea to create a sequel to his 1986 musical The Phantom of the Opera. You would think that, since he had twenty-four years to work on it, it ought to be pretty good, right? Wrong! He completely contradicted the original story and turned all the beloved characters into hateful people. Remember Raoul, Mr. Romance himself? Well, he’s now an abusive alcoholic. Remember pure Christine was terrified of the Phantom? Well, she apparently had at least a few minutes when she wasn’t because in Love Never Dies, she introduces him to the son she bore him! Oh, by the way, Meg Giry is no longer a happy-go-lucky ballet girl. In Love Never Dies, she is a sex-hungry monster who accidentally kills Christine when the Phantom won’t give her (Meg) a tumble (I wish I was kidding, but I’m not!). Andrew Lloyd-Webber said that the reason why he wanted a sequel was because he felt the 1986 musical was a bit of a cliff-hanger. Well, Mr. Lloyd-Webber, this brings us, once again, to the original problem: If you would have followed the original Phantom of the Opera story instead of making-up your own, you would not have needed a sequel.