#1: “I’m moving next year.”
Chicagoans hate Chicago in the winter. Every winter we vow to never live in Chicago another winter year, and we wonder why we’ve lived here for so long. It’s as though we have an abusive relationship with our city. It treats us badly in the winter and as soon as we threaten to leave, the city goes all “summer” on us and we forgive it.
During the other seasons we love our beloved city, and we put the winter the dark, far back area of our minds. When the cold, brutal, and notorious Chicago winter returns, we go through the same song and dance and threaten to leave – but Chicago knows that we’re only bluffing.
#2:”I’m going to get 4 wheel drive.”
Driving during the Chicago winter ought to be an Olympic sport. It takes skill precision and accuracy to drive a car during the icy and snow filled Chicago winter. In every other area of the country, people can drive their cars around without a problem during the winter; in Chicago, we spend lots of our time pushing our cars instead of driving them. We push our cars up hills, out of snow parked barricades, past slippery spots, and about anywhere you car is parked at,
Why didn’t we get that 4 wheel drive like we promised ourselves we would last year? All of this unnecessary Flintstone like behavior would be over with, if only we’d bought that car with 4 while drive.
#3: “It’s not winter yet.”
Denial is defined as the disbelief in the existence or reality of a thing. Chicago residents express denial every year when it comes to accepting the fact that winter is here. The thought of facing another cold winter is so horrifying that we’ll hold onto any suspicion that the winter isn’t here yet or it isn’t on its way. We don’t break out our coats, hats, gloves, or boots until we see snow.
Snow is the only thing that washes any doubt out of a Chicagoan’s minds that winter isn’t here. If Chicago went an entire year without snowing, all Chicagoans would freeze to death.
#4: “I’ll buy a new coat.”
You’ve been lying to yourself for the last 3 years about getting a new coat “this” winter. The leather in your jacket has holes in it, your coat is dirty and smells of the basement, and every time you sit down while wearing your down coat, so many feathers fly out that it looks as though someone had an epic pillow fight.
If you bought any colored coat other than black; it’s evident by the numerous dirt, rain, and snow stains left all over your coat (especially, around the collars and sleeves). It’s getting to the point where the only purpose your coat serves is as a blanket of germs and health hazards. If you do nothing else this winter, at least buy yourself a new coat.